Dating practices in america
We asked eight NYU international students to talk about their experiences dating and connecting to Americans. BRAZILThe biggest difference is that for us making out is pretty chill, you know? When I think of dates, I think of thirty year olds desperate to get married. I feel like here people have a circle of personal space that they only allow a few careful chosen people to penetrate.What I realized with Americans is that if you make out with them the way we do in Brazil, they get the wrong idea. ” He tried to sound really nice as he was asking me what was the point in “this.” So American, right? The first time I went on a date with an American guy I was so nervous because I felt like we had no intimacy whatsoever. For me, dating is meeting a 20 year-old that is a friend of a friend at a bar, thinking he’s cute, and then your friend making things happen. And then you still don’t go on a date, you say things like: “Everyone’s going to that bar on Friday, will you be there? It’s harder to meet people here — they’re anti-social.I’m not to judge that one is better than the other, and mind you, my observations are based on my own experiences as well as a group of women I’ve interviewed in the last two years.The below is a list of some of the themes and commonalities observed.NIGERIA“I’m sometimes taken aback by the hook-up culture here and how people are able to be intimate with people they just met 2 seconds ago. In Nigeria, when you would get hit on, mostly a guy would come up to you and say he wanted to be your friend, not like ‘I think you’re pretty, let’s go out.’ Guys do walk up to you in Nigeria but they try to hide their motives.“In Nigeria, many types of men can be possessive (mostly the ones raised with no form of outside influence) and feel like they should have a say in your life.I didn’t think that was a thing here until someone I guess I was ‘minorly’ flirting with thought it was okay to grab me and tell me to walk with him instead of my friends.“The whole friends with benefits thing isn’t really popular but people do it on the down low in Nigeria.Now, when I discuss the differences between European and American, I’m referring to a mindset. American men on the other hand, tend to be goal oriented, with the aim of getting laid.
But when you’re surrounded by American media, filled with Barbie dolls, waif skinny models and Baywatch breasts, the idea of what ‘beauty’ is becomes skewed. European men have a quiet confidence, a demeanor that doesn’t need to scream out loud to prove themselves. The dating culture involves trying out many different options at the same time.I’m always scared that they’re going to assume that kissing is anything more than “I’m kind of interested in you.”The first guy I went out with here, while we were making out he asked me, “Should I get a condom? I hope so.” I don’t know why I would put myself through the experience of being forced to talk to someone, but not even knowing if you like them. And I don’t know if I want to hook up with anyone in my circles.” and I was like “No, we’re not having sex,” and I kept making out with him. I think that in Brazil I wouldn’t care, but here it’s complicated.This breeds a generation of men who have habits of looking after their own needs versus the needs of the collective. Europeans don’t get their sexual education from porn. European men have a different perception of beauty.
For example, in the Netherlands, comprehensive sexuality education starts at age four. Instead of cruelly dismissing someone by disappearing, they communicate that they are not interested. As the media in Europe is a lot more heavily monitored, Europeans grow up surrounded by media and images of women who are curvy, comfortable in their own skin, and sensual (versus overly sexualized).So does this mean the only hope for a happy, committed relationship is to move to another country? As mentioned above, the observations summarized above are not really about where one is born, but rather a mentality that is influenced by societal and cultural values.